Iron Maiden
Glasgow SECC, 8th December 2003
These days there are some truly woeful bands out there masquerading as metal. Blink 182. Good Charlotte. Linkin F**in Park. Thank God then that the granddaddies of the genre, the formidable Iron Maiden, are still around to show the kids how it should be done.
Last time I experienced Iron Maiden's monster of a live show was October, when we saw them at the T-Mobile Arena in Prague. The complete lack of cloakrooms, ladies toilets or indeed security, and the presence of 70,000 enormous Czech Iron Maiden fans reared on a diet of dumplings and Eastern European metal were all a little daunting (and let's not even mention the extremely dodgy on-site catering, which made me unpleasantly ill the next day, or the support band, 'Gamma Ray from Hamburg Germany, and here is our song 'Heavy Metal Universe', 1,2,1,2,3,4'…). But Maiden, as ever, put on a stormer of a show.
Expectations, therefore, were high for their turn at the SECC; Ian in particular could hardly wait. So it's rather a pity that he missed the whole thing because he was stranded at Stansted Airport. We really haven't had much luck lately between us, have we?
Anyway, due to roadworks on M8 and an unfeasibly prompt start at the SECC, we completely managed to miss 'Welsh wonders' Funeral for a Friend (well, you never know, they might have been good…). However, we were ready to rock as bang on nine o'clock, the band hit the stage. The best thing about a Maiden show is you know it's never going to disappoint. There will always be scary backdrops featuring the band's monster mascot Eddie in a variety of historical guises, and Eddie himself will at some point shamble onto the stage and start poking the band on the head with his huge paper maché arms. They will always plug away at their latest album to a so-so response, before rolling out the big guns in the shape of 'The Trooper', 'Iron Maiden', 'Can I Play With Madness', 'Hallowed Be Thy Name', 'Fear of the Dark' et al, thus sending the crowd into a frenzy.
But manic as the moshing may become, fortunately Uncle Bruce is looking out for us, asking people to move back so nobody gets killed. 'You don't want to die at a Maiden gig,' he exclaims. 'Rubbish!' thinks the crowd, 'That's the only way to go!'
Of course Dickinson's eye for potential crowd control problems is only part of his supreme talent as a frontman. Bursting with energy, he runs about the stage like a loon in his rather strange raggedy trousers, waving his arms, practising his fencing lunges, dressing up in silly costumes and generally acting like the consummate showman delighted to be in front of an audience. He gets his usual rants in about MTV, the radio, etc, etc, and I guess it is heartening to think that at least one band can storm straight into number 2 in the album chart without the benefit of any media hype or clever marketing, just loyal fans and some good tunes.
And their latest album, Dance of Death, does indeed boast some good tunes - even if they do appear to have been stolen from a troupe of Morris Dancers. Hey nonny Maiden (all widdly Medieval guitar solos and folky harmonies) are definitely becoming more Spinal Tap than Tap themselves. But where were the dwarves in the 'Dance of Death' song? Denied! Instead we had to make do with Bruce in a hilarious mask and velvet cape combo sitting on a throne. His amp probably goes up to eleven too.
I would hope that we're not supposed to take a song seriously that contains the immortal line 'So I danced and I pranced and I sang with them all' (and prance they certainly did). But sadly for Maiden, the big number we were meant to take seriously, the somewhat lengthy and over-wrought 'Paschendale', lost something in translation when a fuse blew, plunging the band into darkness and silence. You can tell the song's meant to be serious because the backdrop, which features a bleak, smouldering trench scene, doesn't include Eddie - although we were treated to Bruce in a helmet and trench coat and a lot of barbed wire and dead shop dummies at the top of the stage. Metal!
After cramming in one more new track, the acoustic and I think rather pleasant 'Journeyman', the band finished fast and furiously with 'Number of the Beast' and 'Run to the Hills', and then it was all over. They came, they played, they conquered. Still formidable, still metal. Still Maiden. Definitely the one for you and me…
Iron Maiden, 15th December 2006
