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Alice Cooper

Edinburgh Playhouse, 21st May 2001

Those of you who know me will be aware that I am somewhat fond of Alice Cooper. In fact, to say that I am somewhat fond of Alice Cooper is a bit like saying that Garfield is somewhat fond of lasagne. He is the King of the Pantheon of Glam, the one true god. So you can imagine my excitement on Monday night as the sinister strains of John Carpenter's Halloween theme announced the beginning of the Alice Cooper Show.

Because Alice doesn't do gigs, he does shows, full blow theatrical productions with scenery, actors, special effects and buckets of blood and a plot (of sorts). Never one to sell himself short, the plot this time revolves around that 'sadistic megalomaniac, Alice Cooper' (quelle surprise) the ruler of a lifeless, godless, ugly world, a living hell… Welcome to Alice's new nightmare: the Brutal Planet.

Despite the recent release of the Definitive Alice Cooper compilation earlier this year, this is not a greatest hit tour, and the set is heavily weighted towards last year's Brutal Planet album. Heavy being the operative word, with songs such as 'Blow Me A Kiss', 'It's The Little Things' and the title track all packing a meaty punch, standing up strongly beside old favourites such as 'Go To Hell', 'No More Mr Nice Guy' and 'Eighteen' and amply proving to any doubting fools that Alice is no spent force living off his back catalogue: musically, he can still show those upstart nu-metal kids a thing or two. 'Pick Up The Bones' is particularly outstanding, a tense and terrifying little number that can chill and thrill as effectively as other creepy faves, 'The Ballad of Dwight Frye' and 'Steven' (which sadly didn't get an airing tonight, but you can't have everything…) whilst the new album's only ballad, the beautifully cruel 'Take It Like A Woman', segues perfectly into a moving rendition of 'Only Women Bleed'.

Stalking the stage in a variety of skintight leather outfits, the man who dressed the punk generation has certainly lost none of his style. He may be nearly as old as my dad, but he's still sexy as hell, snarling at the crowd as he stalks the stage like some deranged stalking thing, brandishing his sword, cracking his whip and, er, shaking his maracas. (Oh well.)

All the old favourite props and characters are there: the Dead Baby, a charming hybrid wolf/baby thing which ends up impaled on Alice's sword; the evil nurse (played, apparently, by Alice's daughter!) who wrestles her old dad into his straitjacket for a haunting rendition of 'Dwight Frye' before meeting her obligatory sticky end; the guillotine, which despatched our hero with customary gruesome flair; and, of course, the mad executioner, who really made the most of his fifteen seconds of fame, brandishing Alice's gore-spewing head before the bloodthirsty crowd, before being unceremoniously kicked from the stage by bassist Greg Smith.

With over thirty years of material to draw upon, the set list jumps with surprising ease between relatively recent hits 'Poison' and 'Feed My Frankenstein' and less well-known oldies such as 'Caught In A Dream' and 'You Drive Me Nervous'. The high point, however, had to be the sheer adrenaline rush that was 'Under My Wheels', closely followed by that classic anthem 'School's Out', which came complete with huge, glitter-filled balloons. Oh, and the finishing 'Department of Youth': 'Who's got the power?' Alice yells. 'We do!' we chant obediently. 'And who gave it to you?' But the words 'Donny Osmond' die on our lips as a disembodied voice bellows out 'Britney Spears' and whaddayaknow, the teen queen herself (okay, so it's Calico Cooper in a wig) appears at the back of the stage. 'Hit me baby one more time?' You bet, and the song descends into a live action version of Celebrity Death Match. Only at an Alice gig…

Okay, so the Playhouse is not the ideal venue - personally I prefer to be able to move at gigs, oh, and be able to see the whole stage, and the sound quality was perhaps more shocking than anything Alice got up to - but you can't keep a good man down, and Alice Cooper, as usual, played a blinder.

Apparently, so also did original Alice Cooper band guitarist Michael Bruce, who played at Studio 24 afterwards - with help from Calico and Alice's guitarists and bassist. Too bad some of us our lightweights with uncomfortable boots on and work in the morning went home instead. Arse.

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