Glam

• History of Glam
  • History of Glam 2
• Pantheon of Glam
  • Alice Cooper
  • Poison
  • Hanoi Rocks
  • Mötley Crüe
  • Guns N'Roses
  • Dogs D'Amour
  • Quireboys
• Live Reviews
• Glam Quiz
• Dress CC
• Meat Loaf

Nyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah...

For those of you who don't read rawk geeetar, that is the sound of Poison axe-meister C.C. Deville laying down some cool lixx in one of Poison's poptastic, four chord, sleaze'n'cheezemongous hitz. Then again, it could be the sound of an arena-full of adolescent girliez screaming wildly for the band as they hit the stage with a flurry of leather chaps and fluffy pink accessories.

Poison. Aw. They looked like girls, they dressed like girlz, but for some reason (can't think why, ahem) we girlz loved 'em.

Nothin' but a good time

And however uncool it may be to admit this, Poison were a great band. Take their first album, Look What The Cat Dragged In, released in 1986 to a storm of critical contempt and female hysteria. Okay, so it's juvenile, naïve, nay, even ridiculous. But boy, is it fun. From the sleazy 'I Want Action' to the mawkish sentimentality of 'I Won't Forget You' to the exuberant boogie of 'Talk Dirty To Me' (one of my favourite songs in the world, ever), the record is sheer youthful escapism. And so what if most of the tracks on side 2 are rubbish: the hilarious cover photos more than make up for this.

No. 1 bad boys

According to the sleeve notes on Look What The Cat..., Poison are:

Bret Michaels (vocalizin' and socializin'). 

C.C. DeVille (guitar screechin' and hair bleachin'). 

Bobby Dall (bass rapin' and heartbreakin') (nice).

Rikki Rocket (sticks, tricks and lipstick fix) (missing an obvious opportunity for inserting a few glam 'xx's there, a somewhat mystifying omission).

Let it play

Nexxt up, in 1988, came Open Up And Say... Aaah!: more dodgy band pix and another ten trax obsessed with sex and havin' 'Nothin' But A Good Time', including of course the legendary 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn', which, for better or worse, is the track for which the fab four will always be remembered. Is it the meaning of life? Could be... But despite the somewhat depressing sentiment of the LP's biggest selling single, like LWTCDI, Open Up was an album that you could stick on the record player (that dates me) any day, and no matter how fed up/depressed/suicidal you were feeling, by the time you reached the second track, you'd be feeling a helluva lot better. And for that, Poison, I thank you.

Fallen angel

Poison's next outing, Flesh & Blood (1990) was still, in my opinion, a pretty good album (or perhaps it was just because I was still young enuff to appreciate it - who knows?). By this time, however, Poison were showing signs of wanting to grow up. The pictures on the record sleeve are much more po-faced, and bonk songs about teenage backseat fumblings, although still represented by the likes of 'Unskinny Bop' and 'Don't Give Up An Inch', were making room for rather more serious numbers such as 'Something To Believe In', Bret's heartfelt if somewhat cliched diatribe against the evils currently besetting America: homelessness, drug addiction... the usual. The trouble was, no-one who remembered Look What The Cat... was ever going to take the band seriously as sensitive social critix.

And besides, rather than looking to set right the wrongs of the world, they would have done better to look closer to home. Because Poison were no longer the close-knit rock'n'roll buddies they'd been when they first formed in L.A. in 1984(ish). Nigh on a decade of drunken debauchery was beginning to take its toll on poor old C.C., and he was no longer capable of pulling his (not inconsiderable) weight. Tempers began to flare, and after a serious of bitter arguments, he quit.

Come hell or high water

The rest of the band soldiered on, recruiting new guitarist Richie Kotzen to fill the void left by C.C. and producing a new album, Native Tongue (1993), which, on the basis of the rather boring faux-gospel single 'Stand', I neglected to buy. The band toured (even touching the rain-swept shores of Scotland this time - nice one!) and looked set to struggle on into the mid-90s, if not exactly laughing in the face of the grunge revolution then at least raising a half-hearted smile. However, the alliance with Kotzen was abruptly terminated after (rumour has it) Bobby Dall discovered the new axe-man was conducting an alliance of a more intimate nature with Mrs Dall. Oops. 

Valley of lost souls

The band at last realised that if they were going to recapture the glory days, they were going to have to recapture C.C. Negotiations were initiated then failed... initiated then failed... initiated... you get the picture... 

Every rose has its thorn

Meanwhile, Bret really excelled himself by leaping the gap from making home porn films with Pamela Anderson to writing, directing and starring in his own films. I've only seen one of them, Letter From Death Row, and it really is one of the most truly awful films I have ever, ever seen (and I've seen Boxing Helena). Martin Sheen is given second billing in the movie: he appears for approximately five minutes, is clearly drunk and probably doesn't even know he's being filmed. Bret may have kept his pecs in perfect nick, but he can't act, can't direct and certainly can't write. Life may love a tragedy, but not when it goes on for nearly two hours without any conceivable plot. (Sorry, Bret.)

I want action

But wait! What's this I hear? C.C. DeVille back in the band? A new album out? Surely shome mishtake... But no, it appears that C.C., who last I heard was laying down some lixx on Len's new album, is back in the band... again! They've been touring the States and have a new album out, Power To The People. Okay, so there are only actually five new songs on it, the rest being a mish mash of golden oldie live trax, but one of the songs is called 'I Hate Every Bone In Your Body But Mine' so the band clearly haven't lost their sense of humour yet.

A collection of b-sides and rarities called Crack A Smile, put together in 1994 but never released, has now in fact been let loose on the public - and guess what? It's fab! Whatever next? C.C.'s side band, Samantha 7, releasing their debut album...? Woah! Double take! 

Let me go to the show

Phew! The excitement is almost too much for me. Now all I need is to discover that the Poisonous People are bringing their Power to Scotland. (She waits with bated breath...) Oh well.

I won't forget you

When I was seventeen, Poison meant the world to me. If Bret Michaels had told me to jump off a bridge (wearing a bandana and cowboy boots, of course) I'd probably have done it. I'll admit that I've not been the most loyal of fanz - after seeing them at Glasgow Barrowland in 1993, I kind of lost track - but that doesn't mean they don't remain enshrined in my heart, the cheesiest, cheeriest, loveliest, fluffiest, most lovable band in the Pantheon Of Glam. I've not even heard the new album yet, but with any luck it'll herald a return to form, with Poison going back to doing what they do best: writing naff, shallow, escapist tunes about sex that make you feel good. 

Written 2000

Life goes on: Poison ten years on

So how have the noughties treated my favourite bubblegum glamsters? Well, as ever in the camp of the venomous ones, things have been somewhat up and down. The original line-up had only just reformed and hit the road for 2001's 'Glam Slam Metal Jam' tour (nice), when the schedule was cut short as Bobby was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery on his back. But, yet again, the band bounced back with a new album for 2003, Hollyweird.

Just a shame it was a bit crap. Featuring a naked tattooed woman sat astride a motorbike, the cover was a little too Smell the Glove for my liking. But whilst there may well be a fine line between clever and stupid, Poison are way too far over into the stupid side to let this bother them. Twenty years ago I may have resisted Bret's attempts to grow up ('suicidal Vietnam vets' and 'the homeless sleeping on the cold dark streets' just so were not their style) but somehow, with Hollyweird, all their talk of sex, drugs, rock'n'roll and, whaddya know, more sex is starting to seem, well, just a little sad.

And okay, so it's churlish of me to criticise them for doing what just a few paragraphs ago I described as 'what they do best: writing naff, shallow escapist tunes about sex' but I can't help thinking I've heard it all before, and it was much better the first time round. 'Wishful Thinking' and 'Shooting Star' are rewrites of 'Fallen Angel' without the entertaining video, 'Wasteland' is 'Ride the Wind' without the uplifting tune, 'Home' is 'Mama Let Me Go to the Show' and 'Livin' in the Now' is... um, Green Day. Eek!

We do however, get to hear C.C. sing (on the track 'Home' - not sure this is such a good thing actually) and it's great to hear the unmistakeable sound of his guitar again. Otherwise, I'd forget this album and get Crack A Smile instead: eclectic, tongue-in-cheek, self-deprecating and good humoured, it knocks spots of Hollyweird and has two nice ballads, something distinctly lacking on the latest release. Definitely on the clever side of stupid.

Between a rock and a hard place

As Poison languished in the has been files, the individual members remained active, with Bret in particular churning out solo material at an alarming rate. Yes, you too could own the soundtrack to Letter from Death Row. Or an album of blues and country music (interesting... possibly...), or Songs of Life (2003), Rock My World (2008) and various other collections only available for download.

However, I'll never quite forgive him for Rock of Love, the cringe-inducing reality show in which he must pick his ideal woman from a bevvy of pneumatic psychohosebeasts, to a backdrop of rock music and really bad pop psychology. Clearly it doesn't work, as he's now on the third series. Really, Bret, was Letter From Deathrow not punishment enough?

Oh, and he's even found time to write a book, Roses and Thorns, due out any minute now. If it's anything like as voluble as Bret in person, it'll weigh in heavier than War and Peace...

Poison'd

But fear not, for Poison as a bnd were not dead yet. A nice Best Of (with bonus tracks - hooray!) was followed in 2007 by covers album Poison'd. It was hardly a surprise (and a bit of swizz, really) to see it featured 'Your Mama Don't Dance', 'Rock 'n' Roll All Night' and 'We're An American Band (which also cropped up on the Best Of) and 'Squeeze Box', which was about the only decent song on Hollyweird. But that still leaves nine brand new tracks, the pick of the bunch being a roistering 'Suffragette City' and a surprisingly stripped down, country version of 'I Never Cry'. Generally I'm not that keen on Alice covers (I prefer the originals) but here Bret's good ol' boy twang adds a nice note of sincerity to a beautiful song. Nice one, boys. And it's good to see the LA lads admitting the British influence on their all-American sound, with covers of the Sweet's 'Little Willy', the Stones' 'Dead Flowers' and the aforementioned Who tribute.

I want action

So the end of the noughties saw the classic Poison line-up still together and still touring with the likes of Cinderella, Def Leppard and Sebastian Bach (although not in the UK - we had to go to Sweden to see them in the end) but still not releasing any new music. Has the Poison well run dry? Have they become their own tribute band, trailing a greatest hits package around the world for the rest of their days? I guess only time will tell.

Written 2010